I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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