i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
