i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
