I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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