when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
