I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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