you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
