Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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