Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
