he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
