My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
