I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
