Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
