Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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