I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
