Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
