Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
