1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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