I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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