i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
