Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
