Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
