Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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