you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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