It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
