kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
