Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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