btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
