I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
