i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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