My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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