I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
