I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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