quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
