gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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