I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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