tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
