It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can't special order awesome
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
