I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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