so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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