Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
