wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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