we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
