You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
