Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
