I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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