So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
