I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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