I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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