I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
