i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
