no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
