I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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