Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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