She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you win again, gameday.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
