Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
