I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
