If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
