There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
