my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
