low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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