His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
